Here’s To The Six-Year-Old Me Crying The Entire Niagara Falls

Day 31, May 31st, Friday: A vivid memory

First off, I’m giving myself my biggest awkward hug for making it to the last day of this challenge. You too? Oopss. Come here. I’m giving away free hugs!! Anyway, this is pretty weird. This is the last day and I had a hard time choosing on what to write. I’ve got tons of memories I want to share and since it’s not memories  that’s written there, I’m giving only one of my earliest memories of my mom and I back when I was six years old during my supposedly first day of school.

Twelve years ago, my mom enrolled me to the nearest kindergarten within our barangay (more like village, but not really). At home I was the most excited kid in the universe. I remember not being able to sleep the night before. My mom talked to me way too seriously about how I should behave nicely in school and that I should try to get along well with the other kids. Then the most-awaited day came. We prepped up for my first day, thinking that everything would be okay. We finally went to the place and saw a considerable number of kids already there. The teacher called them for assembly as my mom went in front and tell her that I’m joining the class. They exchanged words, nods and smiles thinking that I can spend the afternoon all by myself without any hassle. When my mom was about to make her exit, it’s like I was poured a glass of icy cold water. I realized I couldn’t let her leave. Why? I DIDN’T KNOW. Until now, I don’t know. What I did was I held the hem of her duster and didn’t let go until she told me we’re going home. I CRIED THE ENTIRE NIAGARA FALLS. It involved sobbing, sobbing and sobbing.

That’s how my first day went. They tried sending me again the next day, but nothing changed. They just decided that I better enrolled directly to first grade by next year.

I am remembering it now. ― Liz Rosenberg, The Laws of Gravity

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Breathe Again

Day 30, May 30th, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go

Letting go equates acceptance. You cannot say you’ve let go of something or someone if you yourself know that deep down in your heart, it isn’t over yet. You haven’t forgiven yourself for the things you think you did wrong, you haven’t forgiven other people for the hurt they caused you, or you haven’t forgiven the situation itself. The words letting go vary from one person to another. Each one of us has our own  hardships we suffer from, and it depends on ourselves how well we can quickly pass that stage. No matter how fast your mind wants to forget, letting go is not something that can be obtained overnight. It takes time, effort and the strong will to finally accept things as they are.

Why do we need to let go of things? It’s because it drags you down. Way, way down. You live each moment fully unaware how these bits of anger, fear, discouragement, anxiety, false hopes, and a lot more weigh you down. Aside from the fact that they make everything heavy, they block your vision from the things that can make you happy. Your time is wasted thinking of the same thing over and over again. What’s worse is you can’t do anything about it. You have to learn how to accept things. People will leave, circumstances change, and you have to expect the unexpected. Change is inevitable and acceptance is a choice many can’t afford to choose.

Letting go doesn’t mean you are weak . Sometimes it means that you are tough enough to embrace the changes life shows you. Just because you’ve finally let go doesn’t mean you no longer care about the things you once can’t get a day without thinking about. It just shows that you know by heart that you can’t have control over things. You know your limits and you’re more than willing to accept that.

You can’t live your life constantly looking back at the past. You can’t blame the present because of the things that happened in the past. Let go. Move on.

Pain will leave you, when you let go. ― Jeremy Aldana

Leave The Memories Alone, Don’t Change A Thing

Day 29, May 29th, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post

 



The blog post title comes from the song Leave The Memories Alone by Fuel.

Music is a total constant. That’s why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in your or the world, that one song says the same, just like that moment. — Sarah Dessen (Just Listen)

Don’t You Know I Thank You?

Day 27, May 27th, Monday: A letter to your readers.

Dear awesome people,

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I don’t know how many of you guys actually read my blog, and why you even followed me in the first place. It’s nice to know that there you are… paying attention to the things that tickle my fancy. I know my page isn’t one of those oh-so-inspiring and knowledge-gaining blogs out there, but still you put up with this. It’s funny how no matter self-centered this blog can be, you’re more than willing to take a look at it. I may not be one of those brilliant writers out there, but I can guarantee you all the stuff written here are genuine to the point that you can see who I am in everything I write. I know I don’t make sense most of the time, but that’s because I just want to let it all out. I want you guys to know that whenever the page views increase, my heart skips a beat. hihihi. Cheesy?? not.. Thanks for sticking with me ever since I started writing here. I hope you all the best(est) blessings life has to offer.

God bless you and DFTBA!! ALWAYS.

Jane

The title comes from Keith Urban’s song, Thank You.


I swear I will spend every last breath thanking you for allowing yourself to love me. — Colleen Hoover (Hopeless (Hopeless, #1))

N-E-R-D

Day 25, May 25th, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you’ll never forget (good or bad).

Last year we were shooting for our Senakulo, a traditional Lenten play that recounts the life, suffering and death of Christ. I reckon you, reader, are familiar with that. Markii, a friend of ours volunteered to play the main role even though he’s no longer our classmate. What a nice guy. Bless his heart.

We were not in the same circle of friends when we were still in freshmen days, and I couldn’t remember how the topic went there when we were having our break. So he was telling us how those days he and his friends didn’t bother talking to me and AJ. We asked him why, and what he and his friends’ impressions of us were.

He gave us this really wide improbable grin and told us, “We thought if we’re gonna talk to you, you’ll just answer us with debits and credits.” And I must say, I was at loss on how to react on that. I didn’t know if that came to me as a compliment or as an insult. I just found myself laughing at what he said.

So yeah. I didn’t know we appear to others as hardcore nerds, though we usually strike conversations with people. We’re a little shy, yes. At first. But it never occurred to me that my actions can really be something different from other people’s perspective. Haha. I just can’t forget that. There’s nothing I can do, though. 🙂

I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy. — Richard Bach (Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah)

I Know Who I Am

Day 24, May 24th, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits.

  • I can be very temperamental – I hate my mood swings. One moment you’ll find me looking all nice and happy, the next you’ll see me with my poker face or annoyed expression on. Oftentimes it’s because I believe in some circumstances, people can be really unreasonable. Even worse, I can’t understand the things they insist!! I’m trying my best to reassess everything, but they don’t listen. Oh please. Don’t mess with me.

haha1

  • My babbling capabilities are infinite – Moments when I’m extremely and incredibly irritated or unhappy, I won’t stop talking until I got tired. The one who usually suffers is the person I’m with. I can be frank, too to the point that I sometimes hurt people with my words, and I really am grateful to those who can put up with my shitty side. You guys know who you are.

haha2

  • My stubbornness usually gets in the way – I often like things to be in my way even if others clearly explain things to me, but it only comes to my personal life. Like people who I want to be with, bridging gaps, those things when pride gets the better of me. Ambiguous, eh?

stubborn

So there you go. I know a lot of people hate me for this. Don’t worry. The feeling is mutual. I hated, and still continue to hate myself for these traits innumerable times now. I’m doing my best to be a better person, though.

DFTBA, reader!

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. — André Gide (Autumn Leaves)